When Your Human Goes On Whole30, Cat’s Prespective: Part 1

(Oh  poor Maddie kitty had to endure my 30 days of me doing the Whole30. Here is her perspective from a cats point of view.). 

Day 0: Something Different.
My human has got back from where human food is with bags full of strange like plant things, colorful hard stuff, and meat. Thank goodness for buying meat, she needs to eat more meat like all three meals eating meat. I helped her unpack by getting into the bags and inspect everything in there and she was a little bit not happy with me about that. But a cat has to make sure it is fit to be brought in the house. She bought tuna, except it is in a weird like can then the normal stuff she gets for me. Overall I approve of all the things in the bags.

Later in the day I woke up from my nap to the smell of her cooking whatever was in the bags. A few weeks ago she brought this book home with all theses pictures of food like things. I snuggled up with her one night and figured out it was some food diet thing she was reading. She must have got an idea in her head about cooking from it. But whatever it is she is cooking, it smells good. I tried to help by sitting in the middle of the action. Didn’t go so well. By the end the whole kitchen looked like a cooking tornado had hit. Apartment kitchens are really not meant for major cooking sprees.

Day 1: She Has Started

The human made fried eggs this morning! She is so happy with herself for accomplishing what she calls her best fried eggs so far. For me, seeing my favorite human happy is always a highlight to my day (that and taking a nap under the covers). By the end of the day she looked like she needed some chocolate.Too bad she could not have her milk chocolate for a pick me up at all. To make up for her no chocolate I decided to snuggle with her on the couch and watch food network with her to keep her from falling to the temptation.

Day 2-3: The Fish Is In The House and Darth Sugar

I found this in the trash…..hehehe!
I smell fish, yummy fish and I just cannot leave my human alone with it. Hey that fish can get down right nasty if she not careful. That’s what cats are for……testing out the fish. Apparently she doesn’t think it is funny for me to sit super close and stare up at her meowing as she is cooking that tuna steak. I was waiting patently for a nibble, just one nibble of it and I will leave you alone. After unrelenting she gave me the tuna juice from the can to lick up by the second time she had tuna. She is so wonderful! I love her!

Salmon Cakes
Salmon Cakes

So about right now you are wondering why a cat would even think of hacking into my human’s WordPress account to blog about her. I need evidence in case I go MIA. I need the documentation. Also I have really nothing better to do all day while she is at work. Do you think I just sleep all day? Nope I know how to snoop around the internet (HazCheezeBerger is over rated from a cat perspective.). On day three the human really just wanted to have sugar. I thinks she called it the “sugar dragon” or “Darth Sugar” (Closet Star Wars fan, she really needs to admit this to herself). Lucky for me she hasn’t had the hangover they say may happen in the book she has (I hope its nothing like drunk hangover). But she keeps referring to the sugar dragon as Darth Sugar and his sugar droids ( are they really droids? I thought an droid was a phone?). But as a cat can say let the force known as Whole30 be with you ( feel like Yoda cat right now).

Days 4-6: Kill All The Things Now!

Darth Sugar has arrived and he is not going anywhere right now. Human’s cravings for chocolate is getting out of hand. I realize how bad it got when I caught her scooping coco powder for baking out of the can. It’s bad. She wants to kill all the things that are a no-no on the Whole30 by eating them. How in the heck will I make it through the end of the diet? I mean she is really suffering withdrawals  from not being able to eat milk chocolate. Last night I started catching her opening up the fridge and look into it with a sad face. She has done this several times since going on this diet. She walks away with defeat every time. I try to comfort her, but she just not in the mood to cuddle.

With this heat killing me, and my human is cranky as heck. The two of us make quite the pair right now. Ugh! Now is not the time to be on a diet with this Seattle heat wave. The bad part is, my human decided to make homemade mayo. Do you think she is in a brain fog? I do. Well her first a tempt at it was not successful, then she found out how to redeem her mayo by adding another egg.

Days 7-8: Made it Through One Week!

Mellow on the diet front right now. I thinks her cravings are finally settling down. Other than that she just plugging away with life and trying to be overly adventures in the kitchen like she normally does. I love her for that.  During the long weekend she made it very clear to have a Whole30 memorial day and just skip the potato salad, corn on the cob, sugary drinks, and those chocolate brownies. Yes she was telling me how much she was tempted to have one brownie to cure her chocolate cravings. She made it through without giving in! Proud cat! Also I am happy she has finally making more fish stuff. This cat is being spoiled when it comes to licking the tuna and salmon juice from the can! What a real treat for putting up with her crankiness from the past few days. I can’t help fetching her sports bra and putting it at her feet when she needs to run. I’m a Maine Coon, we are a dog in a cat’s body.

Darth Sugar left this. I didn't see him come in at all.
Darth Sugar left this. I didn’t see him come in at all.

This is what I found when I hacked her Instagram account:

“Looks like Darth Sugar and his Sugar Droids left me a chocolate brownie. How sweet of them. But I find your lack of faith disturbing Darth Sugar. The force is strong with this one. Day 8 and going strong! #whole30asfuck#iamwhole30#whole30#healthyliving#eatinghealthy

It looks like Darth Sugar and his Sugar Droids slipped in the apartment while I was asleep and left this for her. I need to be more alert when it comes to these things since no sugar is allowed in the apartment. Bad enough I have to check the grocery bags every time she shops.

Days 9-13: Hardest Part Of The Journey

I spot her coffee cup full of coffee this morning. I thinks she has reached the point of needing caffeine to get her through the last couple of days. With no Darth Sugar to help her, she really is having a hard time some days just keeping the energy up. I have hidden the Starbucks card in case she sabotage her progress. Plus it doesn’t help with her complaining about how her body looks like nothing happening, she is sick of eggs for breakfast, and bacon is just another snack food. Not to mention all the “bad” bodily functions that come with a diet like this. She has had some ups and downs along the way, but she keeps getting better as she goes. From reading the book, days 10-13 are the hardest to get through so it is good that as a cuddly kitty she can have some therapy snuggles.That means pinning her down on the couch so she doesn’t go to Menchies for that ice cream everyone is talking about to her.